HOW CAN YOU HELP KIDS THROUGH A DIVORCE?
To help kids through a divorce, keep them out of your conflict, tell them early and often that both parents love them, and spare them the legal and financial details. Colorado's legislature has recognized research showing that divorce and separation can harm children when parents keep up their conflict, expose them to the conflict or put them in the middle of it, so these everyday choices matter a great deal.
This article walks through practical steps parents can take, in roughly the order they come up. It also covers the Colorado rules that apply along the way: what courts look at when they allocate parental responsibilities, the parenting class El Paso County requires, and where a child can get free mental health support.
This is general information, not legal, medical or psychological advice. If you are worried about a particular child, a pediatrician, the school counselor or a licensed mental health professional can help you work out what that child needs.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- What Children Notice During a Divorce
- Keep the Insults Away From Your Children
- How to Help Kids Cope With Divorce
- Colorado Rules and Resources for Parents
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Talking With a Colorado Springs Family Law Attorney
- Sources
WHAT CHILDREN NOTICE DURING A DIVORCE
Everyone knows that children take in everything, particularly when their parents go through a divorce. They are perceptive and quickly notice the gradual shifts in their parents' moods, their distress, and their fears about the home being divided.
It is of the utmost importance that you and your spouse give your children the support they need, as well as you can, during your divorce. It is also important to know that you should not share the details of the divorce process with your children, including court appearances and other proceedings.
Don't tell your kids all of the hard details; they don't need to know. The reality is that the formal phase of divorce or legal separation can be challenging and even traumatic for young minds. Most children cannot make sense of problems between their parents or disputes over money and property.
Keep Children Out of Court and Mediation
The courts in El Paso County take the same view in practical terms. The El Paso County District Court's domestic relations case management order answers the question "Can I bring my children to the Mandatory ISC or my court hearing?" with a plain "No," and the Fourth Judicial District's mediation order says children may not be present for or listen to mediation sessions.
For remote hearings, the order asks you to find a quiet place for the appearance. For in-person hearings, the El Paso County courthouse in Colorado Springs offers Court Care, free childcare for children from 6 weeks to 14 years old, and it requires shot records and its own paperwork before it can take a child.
Your Choices Shape How They Fare
How you treat and protect your children has a great deal to do with how they will fare after the divorce is complete. Our guide to how divorce affects children covers what tends to help at each age and how to tell them about the divorce.
Whatever parenting time schedule you end up with, whether the children see the other parent every week, every other weekend or on some other plan, both homes should keep the same goal: what is in the child's best interests. Colorado courts allocate parenting time and decision-making by that standard, giving paramount consideration to the child's safety and physical, mental and emotional needs.
As Colorado Springs divorce lawyers, we try to help ease this pain for our clients every day, and we value every parent's input on what will help their children cope and adjust to their new reality. If you are still deciding whether you need a lawyer for a divorce, that guide walks through the question.
KEEP THE INSULTS AWAY FROM YOUR CHILDREN
Children often know that the little jabs divorcing spouses throw at each other are hurtful. These insults do not just bounce off the walls: children notice and remember them. Don't let your children hear such cruelty; they will have enough pain to deal with as it is.
These small acts of verbal cruelty are hard for children to square with what they thought they knew about mom and dad. Your children will likely realize by now that their parents are no longer together as a couple, but specific insults and needless hostility leave them more confused and anxious.
You don't want your children to feel their parents will never be civil to each other again. That uncertainty confuses children, and it can stay with them for years.
This is more than common sense. In C.R.S. 14-10-123.7, Colorado's General Assembly recognizes "research that documents the negative impact divorce and separation can have on children when the parents continue the marital conflict, expose the children to this conflict, or place the children in the middle of the conflict," or when one parent drops out of the child's life.
Too many kids watch their parents, during a divorce or separation, do all the things they have worked so hard to teach their kids not to do:
- Don't lash out at strangers.
- Don't be mean, and don't throw relationships away.
- If you don't have something nice to say about someone, don't say anything.
If the very adults who taught these lessons break them now, children may start to doubt what is right and what is wrong.
When Conflict Is More Than Words
This advice assumes both homes are safe. If there has been domestic violence or abuse, the goal is safety, not just civility, and a court can act to protect you and your children; see our pages on protection orders in Colorado Springs and emergency custody orders in Colorado.
HOW TO HELP KIDS COPE WITH DIVORCE
Be Honest From the Start
Be frank with your children at the outset about the big changes. Tell them that although their parents' relationship is changing, how much each parent loves them will never change. Kids need to hear this early and often throughout the divorce process.
Let them know, too, that the coming months may be hard for everyone. Under C.R.S. 14-10-106, a Colorado court cannot enter a divorce decree until at least 91 days after it acquires jurisdiction over the responding spouse, and many cases take longer; our Colorado divorce timeline explains the steps.
It can also help to admit ahead of time that parents may sometimes be short with each other, or upset about the wrong thing, while everyone adjusts. Children who have been told this understand better when it happens, so it is not entirely unexpected or shocking. That is not permission to argue in front of them, and if it does happen, tell them it was not about them.
But Don't Go Overboard
Pulling children into the divorce by giving them too many details, or using offensive language around them, hurts them, and it can matter in court. When a Colorado court allocates parental responsibilities under C.R.S. 14-10-124, the factors it considers include each parent's ability to encourage the sharing of love, affection and contact between the child and the other parent, and each parent's ability to put the child's needs ahead of their own.
Saying something like "Perhaps if your dad hadn't hired a fathers' rights attorney and had paid child support on time, I wouldn't have to take your dad to court" can be extremely harmful to a developing child. A little prevention here is worth a lot of cure.
The same statute bars the court from presuming that either parent is better able to serve the child's best interests because of that parent's sex. Our guide to fathers' rights in Colorado explains what that means in practice.
Treat Them as Children, Not Confidants
Older children may be ready for more honest answers than younger ones, and in some ways you can talk with them more like adults. But the balance is fragile: they are still children, not messengers, referees or confidants.
Things children see now, and issues left unresolved, generally surface somewhere: in grades, at school, with friends, or in more serious ways. Colorado's legislative findings describe the same risk, noting research that children of divorce or separation may exhibit "a decreased ability to function academically, socially, and psychologically" because of the stress of the process.
Find Support for Your Child
If you think your child could use more support than you can give, a school counselor, a pediatrician or a licensed therapist is a sensible first call, and some families find a children's support group helps. Colorado's Behavioral Health Administration, in an August 2025 back-to-school release, pointed families to I Matter, which then offered free therapy sessions to students across the state, in person or virtually, regardless of insurance coverage.
For help at any hour, the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line offers free, confidential support 24/7 by calling or texting 988, and the state describes it as serving youth among other communities. If a child talks about self-harm or you believe a child is in danger, call 988 or 911 right away.
Most Children Come Through It
The truth is that children are complicated, but most children get through a divorce or separation. A research review published by Canada's Department of Justice concluded that while divorce is a risk factor for children's adjustment problems, "most children cope successfully with the stress of parental separation."
The same review found that high levels of anger-based conflict between parents, before and after they separate, harm children. That is why the steps in this article focus on conflict: it is a part parents can control.
One of our most important tasks as Colorado Springs divorce lawyers is to find solutions that help parents and their children get through a divorce. We also want to help them grow and do as well as possible in their new lives, and our article on restructuring your family after a divorce looks at that next stage.
Skip the Gritty Details and the Blame
Your kids will have many questions, but don't drag them through the gritty details. And don't keep knocking your former spouse by listing how many promises the other parent made and how few they kept.
Remember that children who hear this repeated negativity can take much longer to cope with the anxiety and sadness that come with a family breakup.
COLORADO RULES AND RESOURCES FOR PARENTS
The Parenting Class Required in El Paso County
Under C.R.S. 14-10-123.7, a Colorado court may order a parent of a child under 18 to attend a program about the impact of separation and divorce on children, in a divorce, legal separation, parental responsibilities case or post-decree parenting case. The programs are meant to teach "coparenting skills and strategies," and parents pay for them according to their ability to pay.
In El Paso County, the class is a standard requirement. The case management order (FCF 400, revised August 2026) requires all parents with children under 18 in a domestic relations case to attend a Level 1 parenting seminar from an approved provider within 42 days of filing, and to file the certificate of completion with the court; certificates cannot be filed by email.
The Fourth Judicial District's approved parenting class list includes online and in-person options. The Judicial Branch's El Paso County legal assistance list (revised July 23, 2026) shows CASA's Level 1 class at $65 per person, with a fee waiver possible for people with a court order waiving filing fees or a Colorado Legal Services indigency certification. Taking the class early gives you the skills while they can still help.
Mediation and a Parenting Plan
The Fourth Judicial District's mediation order requires mediation before a court hearing in domestic cases in El Paso and Teller counties, in a session of at least two hours held virtually. A party who is unwilling to mediate because of claims of physical or psychological abuse by the other party may ask the court to waive the requirement by filing a motion.
El Paso County's case management order also reminds parents that Colorado law requires the court to order a parenting plan in every case involving the parties' children. A detailed plan leaves less for parents to argue about in front of the children; see our guides to parenting time in Colorado and to parental responsibilities cases in Colorado Springs.
For how divorce tends to affect every member of the family, including the parents, see who suffers most in divorce.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
How Can I Help My Kids Through a Divorce?
Keep them away from your conflict, tell them early and often that both parents love them, and keep the legal and financial details between the adults. Keep routines steady, answer their questions honestly at a level suited to their age, and get them extra support if they need it.
What Should I Not Say to My Children During a Divorce?
Avoid insults about the other parent, blame for the divorce, and details about money, court dates or the case. Colorado's legislature has recognized research documenting harm to children when parents expose them to conflict or place them in the middle of it.
Can I Bring My Children to Court or Mediation in El Paso County?
No. El Paso County's domestic relations case management order says children may not come to the initial status conference or court hearings, and the Fourth Judicial District's mediation order says children may not be present for or listen to mediation. For in-person appearances, Court Care at the El Paso County courthouse offers free childcare for children from 6 weeks to 14 years old on days the court is open, after you provide shot records and complete its paperwork.
How Soon Do I Have to Take the Parenting Class in El Paso County?
Within 42 days of filing. El Paso County's case management order requires every parent in a domestic relations case with children under 18 to attend a Level 1 parenting seminar from an approved provider in that time and to file the certificate of completion with the court. The Judicial Branch's July 2026 El Paso County legal assistance list shows CASA's class at $65 per person, which CASA may waive for people with a court order waiving filing fees or a Colorado Legal Services indigency certification.
Where Can a Child in Colorado Get Free Mental Health Support?
The 988 Colorado Mental Health Line offers free, confidential support 24/7 by call or text. In August 2025, Colorado's Behavioral Health Administration also pointed families to I Matter, which then offered free therapy sessions to students regardless of insurance coverage.
Do Colorado Courts Consider How Parents Talk About Each Other?
They can, through the factors the court weighs for the child's best interests. In allocating parental responsibilities, the court considers each parent's ability to encourage the sharing of love, affection and contact between the child and the other parent, and each parent's ability to put the child's needs ahead of their own (C.R.S. 14-10-124). How a parent talks about the other parent in front of the child can bear on both.
TALKING WITH A COLORADO SPRINGS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY
Most of what helps children through a divorce happens at home, not in court. When the legal side is clear, with a workable parenting plan and a realistic sense of what comes next, it is easier to keep your attention on the children.
Moran, Allen & Associates Family Law Attorneys represents parents in divorce and parental responsibilities cases in El Paso and Teller counties. Call (719) 447-0762 in Colorado Springs or (719) 686-7554 in Woodland Park, or schedule a free consultation to talk through your situation.
This article is general information about Colorado law as of October 2026 and is not legal advice, medical advice or mental health advice. Laws, court procedures, local orders and community programs change, so speak with a licensed Colorado attorney about your situation and with a qualified professional about your child's well-being.
SOURCES
- C.R.S. 14-10-106, Dissolution of Marriage (Domicile and 91-Day Waiting Period)
- C.R.S. 14-10-123.7, Parental Education and Legislative Declaration
- C.R.S. 14-10-124, Best Interests of the Child
- El Paso County District Court, Domestic Relations Case Management Order (FCF 400, rev. August 2026)
- Fourth Judicial District, Blanket Order to Alternative Dispute Resolution/Mediation in Domestic Cases (FCF 300A)
- Fourth Judicial District, Parenting Class List (June 2025)
- Colorado Judicial Branch, El Paso County Legal Assistance List (rev. July 23, 2026)
- Colorado Behavioral Health Administration, 988 in Colorado
- Colorado Behavioral Health Administration, "Back to School, Backed by Support" (August 7, 2025)
Research references
- Department of Justice Canada, "An Overview of the Risks and Protectors for Children of Separation and Divorce," 2002-FCY-2E, 2002.