WHO SUFFERS MOST IN DIVORCE?
Who suffers most in divorce? Often it is the children, because they have the most at stake and the least say in what happens, and the harm grows when they are exposed to their parents' conflict. The adults are hurt too, in different ways: federal data show women tend to take the larger financial hit, while research suggests men are more prone to loneliness and isolation.
No one comes through a divorce untouched. This article looks at how divorce tends to affect men, women and children, what the research says, and what Colorado law does to limit the damage, from financial protections during the case to the parenting class required in El Paso County.
It is general information, not legal, medical or psychological advice. The patterns below are averages drawn from research, not predictions about your family.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- Trauma and Stress in Divorce
- Men and Divorce
- Women and Divorce
- Children and Divorce
- Divorce Effects Summary
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Talking With a Colorado Springs Family Law Attorney
- Sources
TRAUMA AND STRESS IN DIVORCE
A divorce is possibly the hardest thing a family unit can go through. The pain of leaving someone you once shared your life with can be devastating, even for the spouse who decided to leave. When a woman calls us and says "my husband wants a divorce," you can hear the fear and anxiety in her voice.
Unfortunately, the pain rarely stays with the couple. Children, grandparents and extended family often feel the loss of a family member too, along with the changes to holidays, routines and money that follow.
Strong families matter to the communities around them, so it is natural to worry about what divorce does to society. But the common belief that divorce is on the rise is out of date: provisional counts from the National Center for Health Statistics show the U.S. divorce rate fell from 4.0 per 1,000 people in 2000 to 2.3 in 2024 (California and a few other states do not report). Colorado's rate was 2.9 per 1,000 in 2024.
That being said, for a couple in a volatile relationship, ending the marriage is sometimes the only way to find peace. Colorado allows that without blame: under C.R.S. 14-10-106, the only ground for divorce is that the marriage is irretrievably broken, and neither spouse has to prove the other did anything wrong.
MEN AND DIVORCE
Men are less often the spouse who asks for the divorce. In a nationally representative survey that followed adults in heterosexual relationships from 2009 to 2015, Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld found that women initiated 69 percent of divorces and men 31 percent. That means many men are reacting to a decision they did not make.
That may help explain a pattern we see often. Many men dig their heels in and try to avoid the divorce for as long as they can, and when it does happen, many take longer to come to grips with their new reality.
Can a Spouse Stop a Colorado Divorce?
Refusing to agree does not by itself keep a marriage together in Colorado. If one spouse denies under oath that the marriage is irretrievably broken, C.R.S. 14-10-110 requires the court to consider the circumstances that led to the filing and the prospect of reconciliation. The court can then decide the question, or continue the case for a further hearing 35 to 63 days later and suggest counseling; at that hearing it must make a finding.
That pause can be valuable if there is a real chance to reconcile. If there is not, the time is better spent getting organized: gathering financial records, thinking through a parenting schedule, and understanding the steps and the 91-day minimum wait explained in our Colorado divorce timeline.
Isolation and Loneliness
It is not uncommon for men to withdraw from their usual social circles after a divorce. A Dutch study of divorced and married adults found that men tend to have smaller support networks and more social loneliness than women, and that divorced men were more apt to suffer emotional loneliness than divorced women. Losing a spouse can also mean losing the person you talked to most, and that is hard to replace.
Drinking and Other Negative Habits
A divorce can also increase the chances of developing negative habits like heavy drinking, for men and for women. A large Swedish registry study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry in 2017 found that men and women who divorced were several times more likely than those who stayed married to have a first alcohol use disorder recorded in medical, legal or pharmacy records. The authors concluded the link is partly causal and partly due to factors shared within families, and among divorced people, remarriage was associated with a substantial drop in risk.
If you notice yourself drinking more, sleeping poorly or pulling away from friends, take it seriously. The 988 Colorado Mental Health Line offers free, confidential support 24/7 by calling or texting 988, including for substance use concerns.
Fathers and Parenting Time
Many fathers also fear losing time with their children. Colorado law does not favor either parent because of sex: C.R.S. 14-10-124 bars the court from presuming that anyone is better able to serve a child's best interests because of that person's sex. Our guide to fathers' rights in Colorado explains what that means in practice.
WOMEN AND DIVORCE
Women initiate divorce more than twice as often as men, according to the same Stanford study. Yet women are also more likely to struggle financially after divorce, and the gap shows up across federal data:
- In U.S. Census Bureau survey data for 2009, women who had divorced in the previous 12 months were twice as likely as recently divorced men to be living in poverty (22 percent compared with 11 percent).
- In the same data, 27 percent of recently divorced women had household income under $25,000, compared with 17 percent of recently divorced men, and the women were more likely to receive public assistance.
- A 2012 U.S. Government Accountability Office report on Americans over 50 found that women's household income fell by an average of 41 percent with divorce, nearly twice the 23 percent decline for men.
This is particularly true if children are involved. The same Census data showed that about three in four children living with a recently divorced parent lived in a household headed by their mother. Often, the personal growth that comes from leaving a toxic relationship is replaced by the crushing financial and emotional strain of being a suddenly single parent.
The encouraging news is that many women find their footing, and research suggests women tend to have wider support networks than men to lean on while they do. Friends, family, faith communities and divorce support groups can make a real difference.
How Colorado Law Addresses the Financial Gap
Colorado law gives the spouse with less income several tools, both while the case is pending and in the final orders. Each depends on the facts, and none sets an amount automatically.
| Protection | What it does | Where it is in the law |
|---|---|---|
| Automatic temporary injunction | Bars both spouses from transferring, concealing or disposing of marital property without the other's consent or a court order, except in the usual course of business or for the necessities of life. It also bars canceling or changing health, homeowner's or renter's, auto or certain life insurance without 14 days' advance notice and the other spouse's written consent, or a court order. | C.R.S. 14-10-107 |
| Temporary orders | Either spouse can ask the court for temporary payment of debts, use of property, maintenance, child support and attorney fees while the case is pending. | C.R.S. 14-10-108 |
| Property division | Marital property is divided without regard to marital misconduct, in proportions the court finds just. The factors include a spouse's contribution as a homemaker and the desirability of awarding the family home, or the right to live there for a reasonable period, to the spouse with whom the children live most of the time. | C.R.S. 14-10-113 |
| Maintenance | What most people call alimony may be awarded when a spouse needs support and the other spouse can pay. Advisory guidelines apply to marriages of at least three years with combined annual adjusted gross income of $240,000 or less. Since August 6, 2025, the factors include domestic violence, coercive control and economic abuse. | C.R.S. 14-10-114; SB25-116 |
| Child support | Calculated from both parents' incomes. The updated schedule and the credit for every overnight from HB25-1159 apply from March 1, 2026. | C.R.S. 14-10-115 |
| Attorney fees | After considering both parties' financial resources, the court may order one spouse to pay a reasonable amount toward the other's costs of the case. | C.R.S. 14-10-119 |
For more detail, see our guides to alimony in Colorado, child support in Colorado and what to do if your spouse is hiding money.
CHILDREN AND DIVORCE
Children and young adults often face the greatest emotional problems during and after their parents' divorce, in large part because they have the least control over what happens. In C.R.S. 14-10-123.7, Colorado's legislature formally recognizes "research that documents the negative impact divorce and separation can have on children," including "a decreased ability to function academically, socially, and psychologically."
The same findings point to what drives the harm: parents who "continue the marital conflict," "expose the children to this conflict," or "place the children in the middle of the conflict," and situations where "one parent drops out of the child's life." Children are often exposed to verbal and sometimes physical conflict between their parents before and during a divorce, and that exposure can affect their emotional health, behavior and schoolwork.
The research is also reassuring on one point: the divorce itself is not the whole story. A Canadian Department of Justice research review concluded that while divorce is a risk factor for children's adjustment problems, "most children cope successfully with the stress of parental separation." A 2018 evidence review in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that how parents express and manage conflict affects children whether the parents live together or apart.
Research on parental conflict and children's adjustment points to several factors that shape how a child fares:
- How often the parents argue, and whether the conflict drags on for months or years.
- How intense and hostile the arguments are.
- Whether disagreements get resolved or are left hanging.
- Whether the conflict is about the child, which can be especially distressing for children.
- How each parent interacts with the child. Studies reviewed by Justice Canada found that warmth in the mother-child relationship helped buffer children from the stress, and that what a father did with his children mattered more than the amount of time.
What Colorado Courts Do to Protect Children
The court allocates what Colorado calls parental responsibilities, meaning decision-making responsibility and parenting time, according to the child's best interests, giving paramount consideration to the child's safety and physical, mental and emotional needs. Under C.R.S. 14-10-124, the factors include the mental and physical health of all individuals involved and each parent's ability to encourage the sharing of love, affection and contact between the child and the other parent.
In El Paso County, the domestic relations case management order requires all parents in a domestic relations case with children under 18 to attend a Level 1 parenting seminar within 42 days of filing and to file the certificate of completion with the court. The Fourth Judicial District's mediation order also requires mediation before a court hearing in domestic cases in El Paso and Teller counties, and a party may ask the court to waive it based on claims of physical or psychological abuse.
Abuse changes the analysis. Under HB26-1309, approved May 27, 2026 and not yet shown in the 2025 online statutes, when the court finds by a preponderance of the evidence that a parent committed domestic violence, child abuse or neglect, or a sexual assault that resulted in the child's conception, the safety and well-being of the child and the abused party become the primary concern. If you or your children are in danger now, a civil protection order may be available; see our page on protection orders in Colorado Springs.
Our guide to how divorce affects children covers what helps at each age and how to tell your children, and our child custody page explains how parental responsibilities cases work.
DIVORCE EFFECTS SUMMARY
Divorce often has significant, and sometimes severe, emotional and physical consequences for the people involved. How severe depends a great deal on things the adults still control: how much conflict the children see, whether money is handled openly, and whether each person gets support.
If you are contemplating divorcing your spouse, consider meeting with a licensed mental health professional who helps people cope with the emotional stresses of divorce, in addition to getting advice from a divorce lawyer in Colorado Springs. If you are not sure you want to end the marriage, it may help to compare legal separation and divorce in Colorado.
For immediate support, call or text the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line at any hour. For students, Colorado's Behavioral Health Administration pointed families in August 2025 to I Matter, which offered free therapy sessions regardless of insurance coverage.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Who Suffers Most in a Divorce?
Children often suffer most, because they have the most at stake and the least control, and the harm grows when they are exposed to ongoing conflict between their parents. Among adults, federal data show women are more likely to struggle financially after divorce, while research suggests men are more prone to loneliness and isolation.
Do Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men?
Yes. In a nationally representative U.S. survey that followed adults in heterosexual relationships from 2009 to 2015, women initiated 69 percent of divorces and men 31 percent. The same study found no significant gender gap in who initiated breakups of unmarried relationships.
Are Women Worse Off Financially After a Divorce?
On average, yes. U.S. Census Bureau data for 2009 showed recently divorced women were twice as likely as recently divorced men to be living in poverty (22 percent compared with 11 percent). In Colorado, the court can order temporary support, maintenance, child support and help with attorney fees, and it divides marital property in proportions it finds just.
Can My Spouse Stop Our Divorce in Colorado by Refusing to Agree?
Not by refusing alone. If a spouse denies under oath that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court considers the circumstances and the prospect of reconciliation, and it may continue the case for a further hearing 35 to 63 days later and suggest counseling. The court must then decide whether the marriage is irretrievably broken (C.R.S. 14-10-110).
Does an Affair Affect Property Division or Alimony in Colorado?
An affair by itself is not a reason to award one spouse more, because Colorado divides marital property and awards maintenance without regard to marital misconduct. In extreme cases, though, a court dividing property may consider economic fault, such as marital waste (dissipating marital assets), and since August 6, 2025, the maintenance factors include domestic violence, coercive control and economic abuse.
Where Can I Get Emotional Support During a Divorce in Colorado?
Anyone in Colorado can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line, which offers free, confidential support 24/7, including for substance use concerns. A licensed therapist or counselor who works with people going through divorce can also help, alongside legal advice about your case.
TALKING WITH A COLORADO SPRINGS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY
A divorce affects everyone in the family, and clear information early can limit the damage. If you are thinking about divorce, or your spouse has already filed, Moran, Allen & Associates Family Law Attorneys can talk through your situation, your finances and your children's needs.
Call (719) 447-0762 in Colorado Springs or (719) 686-7554 in Woodland Park, or schedule a free consultation.
This article is general information about Colorado law as of October 2026 and is not legal advice, medical advice or mental health advice. Laws, court procedures and local orders change, so speak with a licensed Colorado attorney about your situation and with a qualified professional about your family's well-being.
SOURCES
- C.R.S. 14-10-106, Dissolution of Marriage (Irretrievable Breakdown)
- C.R.S. 14-10-107, Commencement and Automatic Temporary Injunction
- C.R.S. 14-10-108, Temporary Orders
- C.R.S. 14-10-110, Irretrievable Breakdown
- C.R.S. 14-10-113, Disposition of Property
- C.R.S. 14-10-114, Spousal Maintenance
- SB25-116, Spousal Maintenance Guidelines (Colorado General Assembly, signed May 19, 2025)
- C.R.S. 14-10-115, Child Support Guidelines
- C.R.S. 14-10-119, Attorney Fees and Costs
- C.R.S. 14-10-123.7, Parental Education
- C.R.S. 14-10-124, Best Interests of the Child
- HB26-1309, Session Laws 2026, Chapter 163 (approved May 27, 2026)
- El Paso County District Court, Domestic Relations Case Management Order (FCF 400)
- Fourth Judicial District, Mediation and ADR Order (FCF 300A)
- Colorado Behavioral Health Administration, 988 Colorado Mental Health Line
- Colorado Behavioral Health Administration, "Back to School, Backed by Support" (August 7, 2025)
Research references
- National Center for Health Statistics (CDC), "Provisional Number of Divorces and Annulments and Rate: United States, 2000 to 2024" (reporting states only), and "Divorce Rates by State: 1990, 1995, and 2000 to 2024".
- Michael J. Rosenfeld, "Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples," presented at the 110th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association, August 22, 2015.
- U.S. Census Bureau, "Divorce Rates Highest in the South, Lowest in the Northeast, Census Bureau Reports," news release CB11-144, August 25, 2011, on the report "Marital Events of Americans: 2009" (2009 American Community Survey).
- U.S. Government Accountability Office, "Retirement Security: Women Still Face Challenges," GAO-12-699, July 2012.
- Pearl A. Dykstra and Tineke Fokkema, "Social and Emotional Loneliness Among Divorced and Married Men and Women: Comparing the Deficit and Cognitive Perspectives," Basic and Applied Social Psychology 29(1), 1 to 12, 2007.
- Kenneth S. Kendler and colleagues, "Divorce and the Onset of Alcohol Use Disorder: A Swedish Population-Based Longitudinal Cohort and Co-Relative Study," American Journal of Psychiatry 174(5), 451 to 458, 2017.
- Gordon T. Harold and Ruth Sellers, "Annual Research Review: Interparental Conflict and Youth Psychopathology: An Evidence Review and Practice Focused Update," Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 59, 2018.
- E. Camisasca, S. Miragoli and P. Di Blasio, "Children's Cognitive and Emotional Processes in Adult Versus Child-Related Inter-Parental Conflicts," Europe's Journal of Psychology 15(4), 2019.
- Department of Justice Canada, "An Overview of the Risks and Protectors for Children of Separation and Divorce," 2002.